And if there was one thing the Ancients had been conditioned to fear, even more than losing their things, was that of being ostracized. Being ostracized meant being alone and the Ancients feared loneliness more than anything, even though they were already alone, separated from even the loved ones sitting next to them by the things that consumed their attention.
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“Look here, feel the weight. It is thick, high quality plastic. It is Carrefour.”
“No. It’s a cheap reproduction. Imitation plastic. Low grade.”
“Now…” the Grand Vizier continued, in a perfunctory attempt to caution and temper the excitement of the revelers, “we know there are many of you that might be concerned that a spacecraft, constructed by a race of aliens with sufficiently advanced technology enabling them to bridge the unimaginably vast distances between the stars, might possibly have arrived at our tiny blue world with malevolent intent. Rest assured that, although there is a small chance that this might still be the case, we do not think that this is why they are here. Our scientists have assured us that any extraterrestrial race that had the technology to reach us would have to have advanced, at a minimum, several centuries beyond our current level of development. So if they meant us any ill will, they would have simply vaporized us without us even knowing it was coming. Since we have not been vaporized, we’ve decided that you can all rest easy.”
The crowd roared in approval.
In the days following the War to End All Wars to End War, the Second Generation Nazis poured forth from their Zagweland fortress to conquer and occupy the entirety of Trans Amhara-Oromo. The civilians who did not flee were forced into bondage at the Eagle’s Nest or into paying exorbitant amounts of crol for protection. Life subsisted like this for three years, until the uprising of the Molegon warriors. Eschewing modern weaponry, these traditional fighters wrought terror upon their Nazi occupiers with their machetes and claw hammers. Marching fearlessly into battle behind their captain, Tegende the Vanquisher, they ruthlessly drove the Nazis back into the mountains, defeating them decisively at the Battle of Mebreatu Bridge where a thousand Nazis were thrown over the sides and fell to their deaths. Their piled, shattered bones remain there, on that canyon floor, to this very day.
WHILE SUPPLIES LAST
BUY TWO GET ONE FREE
OPERATORS STANDING BY
I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP
Were they connected? Were they warnings of some kind? Why did the alien visitors choose kitsch advertising phrases as a means of communication? After some reflection, Tegende decided that it actually made sense. Of all the transmissions mankind had beamed out into the universe, intentionally and unintentionally, advertising catchphrases were likely the most prominent. It would be perfectly reasonable to assume that E.T. would deem advertising as the most significant component of human communication. How the alien visitors interpreted it was another matter . . .